Connection

Human connection

The “magic” ingredient in counselling is often the human connection. Studies have shown that a counsellor’s methods are often not as important as the quality of the therapeutic relationship itself.

Connection can calm us and reassure us that we are not dealing with a danger or injustice on our own. This calmness and sense of belonging helps our nervous system to switch into the rest-and-recover state, instead of remaining in the fight-and-flight state.

Talking through problems also helps us reflect more deeply on the challenge we are facing. By talking, we engage the parts of our brains that are reasonable and wise and can consider logical solutions. If we don’t have people to talk to, we may rely on the more instinctive and less verbal parts of our brain, which are driven by emotions and survival. It’s important to get a balance between these different parts of ourselves.

But many people lack a supportive human connection. Sometimes, even a loving partner or family member is unable to support us in the way we need. Or we may have lost someone we relied on. The people in our lives may simply be too busy dealing with their own stuff. If this sounds like you, help from a counsellor can make a big difference. Because the counsellor is not part of your social or family circle, they can be neutral, not judgemental or controlling. They can help you discover or learn coping skills or insights that can change your mindset or habits – for the better.

I strive to be that person for my clients. All of my clients have grappled with stress, illness, trauma, low self-esteem, or broken relationships. I have witnessed how people become better at dealing with such issues through the support of a counselling relationship.

Most counsellors come to the profession because we too have struggled, and we found a therapeutic relationship that made all the difference.

Connecting with habit

It can be hard to prioritise our wellness when we are just trying to cope with life. I help people focus on their self-care and understand how to limit their stress. Regular counselling sessions can help you put these practices in place in a structured way so they become healthy habits.

Understanding how your brain works is important. To drive a car, you have to know which pedal is the accelerator and which is the brake. You don’t need to know how the entire engine works. In the same way, you don’t need to become a brain expert in order to recognise stress in your nervous system and know how to soothe it. There are simple practical steps you can learn. These are things you can do at home in your own time, whenever you need to calm your system. Over the long term, this is how to prioritse your wellness.

Again, one of the biggest hurdles is actually doing it. It’s one thing to know what to do, but these practices are not intended to be head knowledge. You need to actually do them. You will only experience wellness benefits once you make such practices part of your daily life and general outlook. Making this kind of daily change is often harder than simply learning the new skill or practice.

A stressed nervous system affects everything. It affects our mood, appetite, sleep, relationships, and ability to focus. Getting this one aspect right can lead to many other positive changes.

Creative connection

Being creative is more important than most of us realise. For many people, school experiences shut down our creativity. My approach includes helping my clients find a new balance to bring creativity into their lives if necessary.

Reconnecting with creativity can bring up some pain at first. Why? Well, the reason for grief is loss. If we have lost or suppressed an important part of ourself, when we first start to make space for that part, we are likely to feel a mix of emotions, from joy and inspiration to sadness and confusion.

If you stick with it, you will find your perspective on life quickly (but gently) starts to shift to a more positive view. Shutting down our creativity causes us to become short-sighted, and allowing ourselves to become creative again is like putting on glasses to see more clearly. The act of being creative through a hobby or activity sends a powerful message from our brain back to our brain – indeed to our soul – that says “I’m okay, and it’s safe to play.”

When we are in danger or struggling for our survival, playing is the last thing we will do. Our mind organises itself accordingly. The things we prioritise when we are stuck in survival mode are very different from the things we do when we are fully enjoying life.

Being creative, even if we may feel we are merely struggling to survive, shifts the tone of our life to a higher level. For a moment, you step out of the struggle with everything that leaves you sad and tired. Perhaps once a week, even only once a month, you can just be.

Creativity enables us to literally create a better life. A creative interest or hobby can be one of the most powerful ways in which you experience yourself as as agent and an actor, not just a passive audience or a passenger on the journey of life.

If we cannot even imagine that our life will improve, it is hard to make that improvement happen in reality. Imagination is powerful. Imagination is creativity. Sometimes we have to start with the basics.